If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: http://fyseq.tumblr.com/ask, though check out http://fuckyeahsexeducation.tumblr.com/FAQ!
Conversation Topic of the day (kind of)
I was reading a book about gender and it mentioned about how teens (especially girls) who mature faster tend to be more sexualized. I know I’ve seen this, where girls with bigger breasts or hips are more sexualized, and men with more muscle definitions are sexualized. You can also see how this contributes to the sexualization and portrayal of certain races. Latina and Black girls are two of the most sexualized races, and they are usually portrayed in media as having larger breasts, hips, and fuller lips. The book talked about how when we see teens who are more physically developed we assume they’re more mentally developed. You hear this used a lot in rape and sexual harassment cases.
In what other ways does this stereotype affect us? One thing I can think of is in portrayals (especially comics) of different orientations.We know that bisexual people and other multisexual people are sterotyped as being more sexually promiscuous and upon reflection a lot of bisexual people are portrayed as being more voluptuous or muscular. Also I’ve seen quite a few comics of asexual people looking more androgynous, with less muscles or smaller breasts or hips.
Are there other examples of this you can see? How might this affect these groups of people? How can this be used to oppress (as most stereotypes are)? How might this affect teenagers differently than adults?
Divide sheet of paper into four columns
At the top of each column write “Penis/testicles”, “vagina/vulva”, “breasts”, and “sex”. You can also do this with other words like masturbation, anus, or homosexuality
Look at the list and ask yourself these questions:
- which words do you feel comfortable using?
- Which words make you feel uncomfortable?
Some words have more negative connotations than others, especially when associated with what society views as female sexuality. Words for a vulva for example, are usually much more negative than words for penis. Synonyms for penis are more like to reflect power (muscle, monster), weaponry (heat-seeking missile, cannon, sword, hammer); and cunning or danger (snake), while synonyms for vulva are likely to be unpleasant (fish, ax wound, black hole). The words we learn affect the way we view sexuality and because of that the way we view orientation and gender. The terms we use for sexual intercourse also reflects our views on sex and sexuality.
Language can shape as well as reflect values. In particular, the language we use with children affects their views. For example, referring to genitals as “down there”, or with no language at all, sends the message that sexual anatomy is something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
(OWL curriculum used as a source)
The concern for overly exposed young bodies may be well-intentioned. With society fetishizing girls at younger and younger ages, girls are instructed to self-objectify and see themselves as sexual objects, something to be looked at. A laundry list of problems can come from obsessing over one’s appearance: eating disorders, depression, low self-worth. Who wouldn’t want to spare her daughter from these struggles?
But these dress codes fall short of being legitimately helpful. What we fail to consider when enforcing restrictions on skirt-length and the tightness of pants is the girls themselves—not just their clothes, but their thoughts, emotions, budding sexuality and self-image.
Instead, these restrictions are executed with distracted boys in mind, casting girls as inherent sexual threats needing to be tamed. Dress restrictions in schools contribute to the very problem they aim to solve: the objectification of young girls. When you tell a girl what to wear (or force her to cover up with an oversized T-shirt), you control her body. When you control a girl’s body—even if it is ostensibly for her “own good”—you take away her agency. You tell her that her body is not her own.
When you deem a girl’s dress “inappropriate,” you’re also telling her, “Because your body may distract boys, your body is inappropriate. Cover it up.” You recontextualize her body; she now exists through the male gaze."
What are your experiences with sexuality throughout your lifetime? What does your sexual journey look like?
If you don’t experience sexuality, please comment about your journey as well, whether it be your experience of your lack of sexuality our through other intimacies or romances.
What were some fears or concerns you had about sex and sexuality when you were a teenager?
What is your definition of “sexuality?” What parts of yourself are included in your sexuality?
Some answers we’ve gotten: your sexual and romantic orientation, and what you like sexually, like your kinks and desires.
What are some other things that can be included in your sexuality?
I can think of the way you feel about your body, your sexual arousal, sexual insecurities, and your libido or sex drive. Do you think gender can be a part of your sexuality? I know it’s definitely a part of mine.
What are other aspects that you think are part of your sexuality?
OWL Sexuality Definitions
Tell me what you think of these definitions.
Components of sexuality:
- Body Image
- Understanding our anatomy and physiology
- Pleasure and release from sexual tension (orgasm)
- Need to be touched
- Sexual Arousal towards bodies
- Fantasy as a means of sexual expression
Intimacy and Relationships
- Liking or loving another person
- Emotional risk-taking
- Giving back to a person who gives to us
- Includes friendships and family relationships.
Sexual and Gender Identity
- Sexual, Romantic, and Sensual Orientations
- gender roles
- Designated Sex
Reproductive and Sexual Health
- Facts about reproduction
- Sexual Activity and behaviors
- taking care of your sexual health
- manipulative flirting
- pressure for sexual activity
- sexual harassment
- sexual assault and abuse
I’m kind of confused with the way their using the word sexuality. It’s supposed to be the aspect of makes a sexual being but some of these are kind of a stretch. Here are my questions, comments, and corrections for each section
- Not everyone likes or wants to masturbate
- Not everyone can orgasm or go through the most common arousal cycle.
- Some people feel no sexual arousal about bodies
- some people have touch-aversion
Intimacy and Relationship
- Aromantics don’t have romantic attraction
Sexual and Gender Identity
- I don’t like that gender is lumped in with orientation.
I THINK that Sexualization being a part of a sexual being refers to the unhealthy sexual methods they get from the media and if they’ve suffered through any kind of sexual abuse.
What do you think of these as the aspects of sexuality? What do you view are the parts of a person’s sexuality?
Of course it looks like everyone’s going to want the most difficult article, Trans* Sex.
SO PLEASE GIVE ME TIPS.
This is supposed to be about talking about dysphoria and how to deal with dysphoria during masturbation and sexual conduct and different toys you can use to help.
I do know of what works for me, but I want other trans* people to tell me what works for them.
I know of a few popular techniques like the DFAB masturbation sleeve, curling the “penis” up so that it’s more like fingering, muffing, my own technique of treating a phallic vibrator like a penis during masturbation, and of course using strap ons, double dildos, and referring to your parts by the right gendered language but does anyone have any other useful tips?
Now that I’ve finished my Sex Aids post I’m going to get started on my post on how to introduce sex toys to your partner and use them during partnered sexual play.
If anyone has any questions or things they want to be sure I include let me know
So far I have
- how to bring up the subject of sex toys and talk about them
- how to address any fears or insecurities about using sex toys that your partner may have
- how sex will be made better with the use of sex toys
- how to use certain sex toys during partnered sexual play
Also remember I’m working on a post on trans* sexuality so if anyone wants to chime in on tips during masturbation or sex, different products they use, and how to deal with dysphoria and your sexuality let me know.
I’m also still working on my video on orientations so if anyone has any questions or comments before I finish it let me know.