Characterisation Post 5: Polyamory
Relationship structures, when spoken from a typical Western perspective, is nothing more than monogamy (which is, the practise, desire or acceptance of having a single intimate relationship.)The truth is Absolute monogamy pervading every family is simply, incorrect.Because of this idea that only two people should be involved in a relationship, the idea of a different structure is rarely questioned by the typical Writer. This trend to continue a single, stock relationship type is restricting to the potential that can be unlocked when a Writer bases their “fiction” on the philosophies of their own society.
Polyamory refers to the practise, desire or acceptance of having multiple intimate relationships, with the knowledge and given consent of all parties involved.Those who are Polyamorous can identify as being Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Asexual or any other sexual orientation, they may be Trans, Cis, Genderqueer, Genderless, Agender or any combination or other Gender Identity.They can come from a variety of ethnicities, ages, education levels, religions, upbringings or other circumstances.
As any other relationship type, it comes with a wide variation.There is no typical Polyamorous relationship, as arrangements are varied and reflect the choices, desires, beliefs and needs of the people involved. However, an emphasis on Consent, Loyalty and Faithfulness, Communication and negotiation, Trust, Honesty, Respect, Dignity, and Ethics can be described as a defining feature.
These same philosophies differs from the non-monogamous idea of “cheating” as these key-features are not met. Many who identify as such speak of having the capability to love too much, and the desire to share that great love.Polyamory can refer to any point in a relationship, to a set of beliefs or arrangements, or can be used as an umbrella term. Marriage is not a requirement in polyamorous relationships, however many sub categories such as Polygamy, Polygyny and Polyandry require such.Poly relationships often establishing specific boundaries, or “ground rules” that can vary widely and change over time. Some basic rules that are often discussed are previous consultation about new relationships; limits on physical displays of affection in certain situations, negotiating agreements and personal boundaries.Applications in FictionThe case that most individuals make, is that having only one partner is “natural”. Typically, this claim is rooted in the idea that being monogamous is natural at this point in time because Western society has developed in such a way that makes it common, and even assumed to be monogamous.Assuming this over-used point and applying it to fiction, it is plan to see that fiction itself, especially the ones set in other worlds- will have an entirely different view of monogamy and non-monogamy.The truth is, it is highly possible for a society to develop with the idea that Polyamory is natural, due to their own development. It is nigh impossible for a world to be identical to your own, due to circumstances and evolving circumstances. A quick glance at the many different cultures around the world can prove this theory, and show that this is entirely possible.Which is why, as a Writer- sticking to a Western-Christian imagination of “One wife, One Husband.” is clearly sloppy creative work, and restricting the natural variation that should be clearly shown in Fiction.Tips for writing a Polyamourous Character1. Respectful representations:
Many representations of Polyamory are dismal. Often offensive, misrepresentive and/or discarded. Often seen is the overused trope of a single person who finds a couple people they end up having sex with. Often this is mis-labelled as Polyamory, even though it typically always is not.
Having multiple relationships is rarely discussed, if at all. The idea of a main character, who usually ends up choosing one person to pursue is the result, when an introduction to Polyamory, and subsequently deciding to openly pursue both, would be a faithful and fresh conclusion.
When writing a Polyamorous character, it would be advised to stay away from the aforementioned trope, as well as the stereotypes of “Polyamory = Cheating”, “Religious whackjobs” and the idea that ALL polyamorous relationships are doomed to failure.
2. Research and Information:
Many sites exist that offer information and education on the subject of Polyamory. Because few people have an accurate understanding of what Polyamory is, it would be strongly advisable to search such sites.
It is a good idea to research sexuality, consent and terminology.
Google is your best friend.
A good idea is to contact poly-identified individuals and ask them for their thoughts on what you wish to write. This should be done respectfully, with an opening that asks permission to ask questions on such a topic. If they reply with a refusal, you MUST respect their decision. Hounding a person, who wishes for their love life to remain personal is hardly a characteristic that a mature Writer should portray.
3. SHOW DON’T TELL!
A major part of displaying the information you have gathered, is to show a character who truly identifies as Poly. There is no half-hearted attempts allowed when you are using the identity of a minority group.
Show the lifestyle represented fully and accurately.
I’m not polyamorous so I can fuck a lot of people and not feel bad about it. I’m poly because I feel best not limiting the love I have to give, and not limiting the love my partners have to give.
We focus and work really hard at being completely and totally honest, communicating about our feelings (especially the jealous, insecure, and hard feelings), communicating about our boundaries, desires, and needs.
It takes a lot of energy and knowing oneself very well. If you don’t know what you want or need and can’t communicate that, how the hell are your partners supposed to know?
You can’t get what you want if you don’t ask. I work to never be manipulative or coercive. Consent in every sense is a must.
I think it’s also important to keep in mind that everyone practices Polyamory differently and for different reasons.
I’m not interested in reading anything that claims to say “THIS is Polyamory” and doesn’t explore it further than that.
4. Relationships are Relationships.All Relationships, polyamorous, or monogamous run into difficulties. No “perfect” relationships exist. While the “rules” may have changed, the innate nature of people will not.
Your task, as a Writer, is to show the “realness” of a relationship.5. Representations in the Media.
Looking at existing examples of Polyamory in the media can be a helpful aid to a writer. For example;
- Star Trek:Enterprise, the ship’s Denobulan physician, Dr. Phlox has three wives, each of whom has three husbands of her own (including him).
- Star Trek also states that the Andorian species enter into group marriages.
- Caprica’s Clarice is married to multiple men and women, who are all married to each other. This is implied to be unusual but perfectly legal.
- The Wicked Lovely Series shows a happy Triad, as well as a content “Vee”
FURTHER LINKS
- Poly Glossary
- Polyamorous Literature by Christopher Nagle
- http://fuckyeahpolyamory.tumblr.com/
- http://polyamorousporpoise.tumblr.com/
Any corrections, thoughts, feelings or comments can be directed to;
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North Dakota Religious Freedom Amendment Would Allow Employers To Deny Birth Control
“Government may not burden a person’s or religious organization’s religious liberty. The right to act or refuse to act in a manner motivated by a sincerely held religious belief may not be burdened unless the government proves it has a compelling governmental interest in infringing the specific act or refusal to act and has used the least restrictive means to further that interest. A burden includes indirect burdens such as withholding benefits, assessing penalties, or an exclusion from programs or access to facilities.”
This amendment, put on the June 12, 2012 ballot by the North Dakota Catholic Conference (NDCC) and the North Dakota Family Alliance (local affiliate of Focus on the Family), will further support people and organizations in violating the human rights of others based on their religious beliefs. North Dakota activist Don Morrison said, “It will legitimize hurtful acts towards people in North Dakota who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender, and people who are not the ’correct’ kind of Christian. The people promoting this are people who use fear of others as a tactic to move their agenda, and if this measure passes, it will give some powerful institutions, like hospitals and churches, more power to say it is okay to ostracize people they don’t like.”
It could allow people to break nearly any kind of law, provided their actions are motivated by “a sincerely held religious belief.” This means hiring discrimination, denial of insurance coverage, and discriminatory firing (say, firing an unmarried pregnant person). This means denial of emergency health care, or denial to fill a birth control or emergency contraception prescription.
“North Dakota,” [Steven R.] Morrison noted, “is a large, sparsely populated rural state, and many people may have access to only one pharmacy or one hospital…. The amendment will protect religious practice, but its negative externalities may severely curtail others’ enjoyment of their own constitutional rights.”
Measure 3 will be on the ballot in June, and we’re likely to see similar propositions in other states as well. The religious right and anti-choicers will attack from any angle to bend the country to their will. North Dakotans, please get out there and fight. You can learn more at North Dakotans Against Measure Three, by contacting Sarah Shanks of Feminist Campus at sshanks@feminist.org, or by contacting Emily Krueger, Legislative Assistant of Americans United for Separation of Church and State at action@au.org.
Natural” is a very dangerous word to use about sexuality … Our society’s notions of normality are completely fake and meta-trendy, since they rely on the changing standards of superstition, religion, Christianity and gender bias to define themselves. Americans, in particular, exhibit very childish reactions to sexual practices that are new to them, much like little kids who are offered a vegetable they haven’t seen before: “That’s disgusting!” “But darling, you haven’t even tried it!” “I don’t care, I hate it, I hate it!
—Susie Bright and Jill Posner in Nothing But The Girl (via retreattohibernate)
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Hysteria opens today in Los Angeles and New York! Keep your eyes peeled for a showing near your location. This looks like a very funny movie about the invention of the vibrator—and I do believe it features some of the antique vibrators from the Good Vibrations collection, which used to belong to my boss Joani Blank!
really can’t wait to see this.
Kickass new project from the always-awesome Head and Hands
STIgma zine: Sexualité et relations avec des ITSS
Sexually Transmitted Infections. They’re incredibly common, yet they’re shrouded in silence and shame. What gives? At Head & Hands, we know that talking about sexual health and STIs can feel awkward or scary – especially if you have an STI. Because of the stigma, people hesitate to ask for support, more information, or treatment for their STI. Fear of judgment and rejection prevents people from talking to their partners about it. Silence even prevents people from getting tested for STIs in the first place! It’s clear to us that stigma spreads STIs. So that’s why we made this zine, to get our heads out of the sand!!!
While the focus of mainstream sex education tends to be about not getting an STI, we think that it’s equally important to talk about what happens if you do get one. Where do you go to get support? Who can you tell? Can you still have sex? How do you deal? To demystify the experience of living with STIs, we asked people to tell their stories – and we were overwhelmed by the responses we got. We can learn a lot from the stories in this zine. We can learn how other people cope; how they take care of their bodies; how those conversations went when they disclosed to a sexual partner (and then another, and then another). We also learn about the power of sharing these stories – breaking the silence can really be cathartic!
You can use this zine however you want. It might be a resource, an inspiration, or even a companion, so you know you’re not the only one out there. We hope to equip people to make decisions that feel good and healthy for their own bodies and lives. In the stories that follow, you’ll find lots of examples of people doing just that.
Download the zine here, or drop by our office for a copy!
From: http://headandhands.ca
A Map of the Lands of Human Sexuality
An awesome site where you can chart your sexual interests!
BDSM - A new sexual orientation
However for those looking for serious research into the prevalence and experience of people who indulge in BDSM with consenting adults, there is not very much around. And yet these practices seem quietly to be sneaking their way into our consciousness, with a growing stream of articles and documentaries which, while they are not serious academic work, are also not purely porn. The internet, TV and mainstream magazines are providing media for people who are perfectly nice, and ‘ordinary’ (whatever that means) to reveal that they get off on BDSM activities. In these articles and TV shows, participants generally don’t seem to feel there’s anything wrong with them, or that they have anything to apologise for about their sexual practices. Having said that, most BDSM-ers feel uncertain about how they might be judged for their activities by, say, employers, friends, health professionals and family. In effect, then, it seems many BDSM-ers think of themselves as not sick, but as having a different sexual orientation.
As someone who is into BDSM I don’t really think of it as an orientation. I do definitely see it as an inherent attraction than I have no more control over than my pansexuality or polyamory or being genderqueer.
(Source: genderandsexualityawareness)
The Sexual Politics of Poverty
Young women are, socially speaking, the proverbial canary in the coalmine. Their fate prefigures the troubles that lie ahead.Once an optimistic middle-class defined capitalism’s post-WWII glory days; it distinguished what is known as the American century. Against much resistance, it fostered the ‘60s sexual revolution, Roe v. Wade and increasingly risqué (if sometimes over-the-top) expressions of sexuality in fashion, dance, music, ads or other popular media. Over the following half-century a new, freer erotic sensibility took shape in the U.S. and throughout much of the advanced industrial world.
In the decades following World War II, sex changed in America. Alfred Kinsey revealed the nation’s deepest, darkest secret: America was not a Puritan paradise but a land where lots of people had lots of sex, lots of different sex. During that half-century, people lived longer lives; the pill separated pleasure from procreation; the birth rate fell. This was an historical new social condition, one defined by rock-and-roll, the women’s movement, gay liberation and a more egalitarian, polymorphic eroticism. Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler represented the mainstreaming of this new sexuality.
Today, a dispirited, vindictive and pessimistic white Christian right is attempting to once again impose its Puritanical morality on the nation. Freighted by the increasingly more liberal, polymorphic sexuality embraced by a multi-ethnic and sexually-accepting youth culture, the Christian right is using the power of federal and state governments to impose its repressive beliefs regarding abortion, contraception, sex ed, obscenity and commercial sex. The Christian right is engaged in a campaign to discipline Americans into accepting a new condition of sexual austerity.
This is the third campaign by the Christian right to repress sexual experience over the last century. In the 1910s-‘20s, Prohibition’s second front was female sexual excess. A half-century ago, the battle expressed itself as Cold War McCarthyism’s war against homosexuals. Today, a new authoritarian value system, promoted by a reactionary Christian conservatism, is attempting to repress American sexuality and one of its targets is teen female sexuality.
The Christian right’s war against teen girls is an extension of its long-waged war against a woman’s right to an abortion, easy access to contractive [sic] products (e.g., condoms, the pill) and opposition to medically accurate comprehensive sex education.
Read the rest at Counterpunch here.
