If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: http://fyseq.tumblr.com/ask, though check out http://fuckyeahsexeducation.tumblr.com/FAQ!
Submission: Coming Out Story
This is not a happy story, so if you’re sensitive to negativity, I want to warn you right now: it has happy moments, but it is not a happy story.
I first came out on the forums of Scarleteen. If you’re not aware, the forums are completely anonymous and giving your personal information is forbidden, but I needed to share in some small way that I was genderqueer. I had already mentioned a few times at school that I was pansexual, but at school that was not an uncommon thing. Genderqueer was a much bigger deal since I knew that I wasn’t comfortable with he/him pronouns anymore and I was sick of trying to pretend to be a man.
I came out next at work and that was largely a positive experience. I wore a skirt, some makeup, and my confidant co-worker helped me paint my nails. My co-workers and supervisors were super awesome. One guy asked about my skirt and I told him I was coming out. He said, “that’s cool. I don’t think it matters so much who you love, just as long as you love someone”. Granted, he was confusing sexual orientation and gender identity, but his sentiment was in the right place.
Later that night I posted pictures on tumblr and wrote some stuff about the experience. Most of my followers were very encouraging and all that. No problems, nothing. About a week later I get an e-mail informing me that I had to go to a meeting with staff worker of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (I was a student leader in the organization). As it turns out, those pictures and the story of the day I came out at work were the nail in my coffin (so to speak). A scheming little goody-two-shoe Christian had been gathering stuff from my blog to use as “evidence” in case against me.
Long short of it, I was kicked out leadership and basically told that unless I repented of my “lifestyle” I would not be welcome in leadership again. At that point I didn’t feel safe anymore with that group so I left and had to wander (spiritually) for a long time. I’m in a better place now, but it’s been a painful journey getting to where I am now and this story is what started it all.
Q: Gender might be a social construct but sex isnt
Sex is determined by doctors based on your genitals. If you have something close enough to what they believe males should have you’re called a male. If you have something close enough to what they believe females should have you’re called…
figured today was a good day to share my gender and orientation FAQ.
Any other questions or subjects that should be included?
I have had contact with you a few times under my vaginismus/asexuality blog called vaginismusandsexuality. I am requesting stories from people concerning a subject and since this also ties into your blog subject I was wondering if I could get a signal boost from you.
I am wanting to write an informative blog post about how the asexuality intersects with the medical field, both from physiological and psychological fields, primarily in recommending ‘corrective therapy’ to people who ID as asexual or those who may fall under the spectrum. More details on what I am asking for is in the link. The post will be sharing stories on what other people have experienced and how to defend your asexuality to medical professionals who want to ‘treat’ you.
Since I went under this ‘corrective therapy’ for being asexual while still in denial about it, something I will elaborate on more in the big post, I am struggling to get more submissions from people who have experienced this. I really wish that it is because no one else has experienced this, but I unfortunately know better.
I really hope you help me get the word out on this project of mine; this is really important to me. I don’t want another person to have to go through what I did.If you do post this I request all information concerning this to be sent to my vaginismusandsexuality blog, not my main account.
Ran across another term for LGBT/QUILTBAG/GSRM!
Introducing: MOGII, Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identity, and Intersex.
Anyone heard of this one? Thoughts?
Conversation Topic of the day (kind of)
I was reading a book about gender and it mentioned about how teens (especially girls) who mature faster tend to be more sexualized. I know I’ve seen this, where girls with bigger breasts or hips are more sexualized, and men with more muscle definitions are sexualized. You can also see how this contributes to the sexualization and portrayal of certain races. Latina and Black girls are two of the most sexualized races, and they are usually portrayed in media as having larger breasts, hips, and fuller lips. The book talked about how when we see teens who are more physically developed we assume they’re more mentally developed. You hear this used a lot in rape and sexual harassment cases.
In what other ways does this stereotype affect us? One thing I can think of is in portrayals (especially comics) of different orientations.We know that bisexual people and other multisexual people are sterotyped as being more sexually promiscuous and upon reflection a lot of bisexual people are portrayed as being more voluptuous or muscular. Also I’ve seen quite a few comics of asexual people looking more androgynous, with less muscles or smaller breasts or hips.
Are there other examples of this you can see? How might this affect these groups of people? How can this be used to oppress (as most stereotypes are)? How might this affect teenagers differently than adults?
Because I found out I’m basically going to be given free reign over the curriculum I’m teaching, especially over gender and orientation inclusiveness I’m going through and editing and changing different workshops.
Here’s the current suggested workshops for Gender Identity and sexual orientation for ages 9-12. I’d like some feedback! I’ll put their recomendations in italics and them put mine in regular print
It starts with Gender Identity and Designated Sex
They start the activity with imagining being “the opposite gender” (which I won’t do because there’s no such thing as the opposite gender) and answering these questions:
what will be fun about being another gender?
Basically the points of this is to 1. show that boys and girls can do whatever they want and also 2. begin a conversation about sexism. I need to figure out a way to do both.
Because this workshop comes after the puberty workshop I’m not sure if I want to just flip the two and start this one out by defining designated sex and gender or do a mini lesson on designated sex and gender on the puberty workshop. I think switching them may be easier and I’ll talk to my co-teacher about doing that.
First I’ll explain how designated sex works and about intersex people. I could go from there to talk about how people take that designated sex and gender people by that. I can ask them about what experiences they’ve had with someone they know or themselves having gender and gender roles being forced on them or what they know about in general. We can still have them answer the questions on if boys are girls should dress differently, or act differently and what kind of messages they get about that. Then we can talk about how people treat others based on their perceived gender and about sexism. Then we can talk about how some people don’t identify with the sex people assign them. We can ask them how they know what gender they are, and what life may be like if they don’t identify with their designated sex or if they’re intersex.
What’s missing from this? How does everyone feel about this? What kind of activites about this would be good for this age group?
they start by writing down different orientations and asking what people know or associate with them. That’d be kind of really difficult to do with how many orientations there are, What’s a way we could do this activity? We also need to explain romantic orientation. Pretty much all they have down is “lets define LGBT, how do people know what their orientation is, and is it possible to tell what orientation people are?” What else do we need to cover? What kind of activities could we have?
I make various buttons for gender, sexuality, kink and romantic pride. I also make buttons featuring male, female, intersex and transgender genitalia, including those with piercings. Check it out at https://www.etsy.com/shop/RFPCreations And check out my Tumblr at http://ftm-transscribed.tumblr.com/
Submission: Bi/pan kerfluffle
I think a lot of the wrestling over definitions misses a major point behind the labels. Bi has a definition, pan has a definition, and within those there are nuances in how an individual personally applies it. It’s the personal nuance inside the general definition that seems to be what everyone is missing—it’s the link between “no there’s a definition for X, you can’t say it’s the same as Y, that’s ignorant and erasive” and "call yourself what you like, however you want to define it".
Nuance within a definition allows for personal detail without running over anyone else. It’s like the biological classification system: you have the big category called “bird”, and within that there’s the budgy, the hawk, and the pengiun. They’re all the same type, but have different details. Same for orientation: different details under the larger category. Bi is *generally* more than one but not all, and within that umbrella people have different details. Pan is *generally* all people/genders, and within that umbrella people focus on different details.
I’ve not run into this type of fight over gender categories. People know this is obvious with gender, that you have the larger categories with defining detail under it. The fight there is more “where is the line”, which really, isn’t so much a valid question as it is a human obsession with a need to have definite categories. Same for orientation, too—there isn’t a big fat line delineating these things. There’s wobbly areas between them when you get down to the line; but again, that doesn’t mean delineation isn’t possible, as above.
FYSE note: just one little correction.Bi is generally same gender and different genders, not more than one but not all. Many bisexuals are attracted to all genders. But you are right, it’s not about identifying others, everyone can identify themselves, but it’s important not to make preconceived notions about groups based on what you think the definition of their orientation is.
Submission: Safer Sex and Young FAAB Dykes/Queers
Can lesbians really contract STIs? Do trans guys who only have sex with cis women really have to use barriers? Does anyone actually use dental dams? Do they work?
To be clear: this confusion about how and why to have safer sex is not because of those sexist tropes that “lesbian sex” or vulvas and vaginas are so goddamn confusing. It’s because safer sex between two people with vulvas is so rarely discussed. […]
When I first learned about safer lesbian sex as a teenager, it seemed like this highly esoteric practice. None of my early lovers knew about it and I couldn’t imagine how to bring it up. When I read about women using gloves and dams, they were always a lot older and more sexually experienced than me. Gloves and dental dams felt more like props for sexual roleplay than actual safety devices.
-Laurel Isaac, "Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Sexpert"
[An exploration of the challenges queer FAAB-people encounter to practicing safer sex, and a run down of the real risks. Read more on Scarleteen.]