Disclaimer: I am not a professional! If you want to find a professional sex educator please look at my "Resources" page. If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: FYsexeducationquestions, though check out my FAQ first!
![[image description: An image mimicking the classic red ‘hello my name is’ sticker, with the alternate text ‘hello I identify as’ in all caps. The write-in section is blank.]
Hello I Identify As started, originally, as a set of laminated signs to be carried by the members of Out On Campus at Vancouver Pride 2011. They were made in each colour of the pride flag rainbow.
Since then, the signs have lived in the Out On Campus lounge, being used for workshops or as examples of the kind of work done there.
This semester, four members of a class called ‘Queer Genders’ were tasked with a project. Jai, the original creator of the file, Mickie, Mark and Nicole decided to show the variety of identity on campus, not just in gender or sexual identity, but in all aspects. They made the above image into a pair of whiteboards, and split up, asking folks to write in their identities, and then taking photos of them. These photos were edited into a video and shown to their class.
For ethical reasons, none of those photos will be posted to this tumblr, but the work goes on. If you feel like it, please download, print or otherwise make use of this image, and fill it in with your identity. Submit a photo, or file; if you don’t have the capability to alter the image yourself, send us an ask, and we’ll write your text in for you.
Please feel free to spread this around!](http://25.media.tumblr.com/3bf884c424820600e7889b32a9f2dd88/tumblr_mlhjc7L68u1ql6h8yo1_1280.png)
Gender Expression, Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation
Q: How do I know what my gender or orientation is?
A: I get a lot of “how do I know if I’m (insert gender or orientation here)” questions. What it comes down to is a lot of people have difficulty knowing for sure. We always hear these stories of, “Oh well I knew since I was 7 and I never doubted myself ever.” which it’s great if you have such certainty but both orientations and genders are fluid. They change and that’s okay. We get so set in people telling us “oh it’s just a phase.” “You don’t really know who you are.” that we feel the need to prove ourselves. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Labels don’t matter if they make you miserable or confused. The purpose of labels is to let you know you’re not alone and there are people out there like you and to be able to find those people and have a safe community. If you feel a certain way explore it. Present yourself the way you’re comfortable, love who you’re going to love, have sex with who you want to, and forget all of the little messages society tells you. How you feel is all that matters. If you find a label that makes you feel safe and happy explore that community. If you want to tell someone about yourself chances are they’re not going to understand a one word answer so you might have to explain anyway. It’s great to learn about different genders and orientations and explore those communities because you learn from it and you learn more about yourself and you might find something special there. No one fully knows themselves, that’s what life is about. A journey to find out who you are. You don’t have to learn everything at once.Q: What is the difference between transsexual and transgender?
A: Transsexual usually refers to anyone who plans to or is going through hormone replacement therapy or sex realignment surgery. Transgender people don’t have to be transitioning. However, the word “Transsexual” is kind of going out of favour so more and more people are using transgender.
Q: What’s the safe way to bind your chest?
A: The safest way is to get a really good sports bra that is the right size to be comfortable but still make your breasts appear smaller. You can get two really good sports bras and put the top one on backwards but this can get uncomfortable (for me at least). Also, layering is your best friend. You can wear a good sports bra, tight tank top, and t-shirt and maybe even put a vest, over shirt, sweater, or jacket over it. You could try a looser binder, but that’s kind of difficult to do since most binders have to be ordered online and you can’t really try those online. You could get a larger binder and if you’re any good at sewing try to alter it to be the right size. This can be tricky though depending on the type of binder. If you’re not worried about being uncomfortable or if you plan on having surgery you can find a good binder that fits perfectly, although finding the right size can be tricky. If you’re planning on having surgery is really the only time it’s a good idea to bind every day and you should never bind with ace bandages or tape.
Q: What does the * after Trans mean?
A: Basically this makes it more inclusive. Trans* can be anyone who is not cis gender, anyone whose gender identity doesn’t match up with their designated sex. This includes non binary identities. Trans without the asterisk just refers the trans men and women.
Posts
Masturbation, Relationships, and Sex: A Guide for Trans* and Gender Variant People
Done editing the Gender and Orientations section of my FAQ. Are there any other frequently asked questions that need to be put in this category? Do you have any questions about gender or orientation that aren’t answered here?
In honor of Coming Out day, feel free to tell your coming out or being outed stories over at my other blog FuckYeahPersonalStories.
To get the ball rolling here are my stories.
Coming out to my sister was pretty much her asking, “You like girls don’t you?” and me replying “NO GOD NO…maybe… okay yes.” and then an ongoing conversation of the evolution of my sexuality. Also, both of us talking about gender and how we viewed our gender although I haven’t brought up any exact labels or gender identities yet on the gender front. I brought up my polyamory when she brought up her questioning if she was polyamorous.
Coming out to my friends was basically me subtly slipping into our conversation that I thought some girl was hot, although some friends would introduce me as a lesbian or almost lesbian or something really not cool like that or would out me to others. As far as gender identity goes I came out online through facebook and tumblr mostly. Some people ignore it, others don’t respect my chosen pronouns, and other people do. I’ve also mentioned being polyamorous before although most people ignore it because they don’t know what to say.
My sister accidentally outed me to my mother. My mother asked why I was going to school early and my sister said “probably to see her girlfriend” and then the shit hit the fan. My family does not keep secrets at all. My mom called my dad because she thought that all gay people had been sexually abused and she thought my father was the best candidate for that (I then had to explain that wasn’t true). My dad, mother, and sister then went on to talk to the rest of my family about my orientation which was mostly met either with ignoring it or being confused and asking if I was a lesbian or continued asking if I was still a lesbian. I haven’t talked about my gender identity with my family and the only thing hinting at polyamory was that I didn’t believe monogamy worked for me and I didn’t want to get married, which I’ve only really talked about with my parents. But of course they don’t believe me.
Being queer or outside of the “norm” is a mixed bag of people being awesome and people being crap. It’s different for every person you come out to and it’s different for every person coming out.
http://we-love-sissies.tumblr.com/ this blog is dedicated to helping bdsm sissies and anyone involved in the sissification fetish have a positive, judgement free place to discuss their fetishes, relationships, or just submit pics of how cute they look in their panties.
♥♥
Berkeley, CA is having the a Bisexual Pride Day
http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/Berkeley-lawmakers-recognize-Bisexual-Pride-Day-3874797.php
This is a step in the right direction. Pride Days are notoriously white cis gay centric, so anything that somewhat breaks that mold is a good thing.
my coming out (TW: bi bashing, suicide)
i dont know if you accept these but i felt like posting because its something i’ve been thinking about. i’ve been given some crap from friends for coming out since i’m bisexual but looking back it has actually helped me a lot. i didnt even know about bisexuals in junior high(i lived in texas), i knew about gay men and women but i hadnt even heard of bisexuals until 8th grade when a friend said he was bisexual. that year was a weird year for me. i had people telling me to kill myself and had a girl hit me in class for being friends with her ex bf. so add onto that the fact that i was getting crushes on girls and i didnt know what to do was confusing. when i finally did come out in 9th grade, i started feeling much more secure in myself. i became more open with my friend(i feel), i became more affectionate towards friends of both sexes, i just felt less weird and more like a normal teenage girl. and since then i’ve never felt anything but normal. some people have made comments about me being very sexual or hyper sexual or what not, and it did used to bother me but from reading this pages posts i’ve come to realize that i wasn’t abnormal. i seemed more sexual to people because i’m so secure in myself and my sexuality, to me being secure in it and being able to talk about my sexuality with people openly and not get flustered is sex positivity is what i think its called. i’ve come to learn that i’m a sexual person and there is no shame whatsoever in that fact.
New blog: The Attraction Project
I’ve created a new tumblr for people to talk about the way they experience sexual, romantic, and other types of attraction.
http://theattractionproject.tumblr.com/
From the “about”:
The purpose is to show that people experience these things in different ways.
This is a brand-new project, and I’m still figuring things out. Advice is appreciated, un-constructive criticism is not. You can help the project get started by submitting about the way you experience attraction. Any form (story, reflection, observation, etc) in any media that tumblr will allow is accepted. Be creative! If it’s about the way you experience attraction of any sort, it belongs on the blog.
People’s experiences and feelings will be different. Two different people may use the same word to describe different things, or use different words to talk about the same feeling. This is okay, and anyone who does not respect that people are different will not be tolerated.
Please spread the word about the blog and submit!
Why I’ve decided to start using the term queer to describe my sexuality rather than bisexual.
For a while now I’ve been a bit unsatisfied with the term bisexual in reference to my own sexuality. To me it feels restrictive, and doesn’t express the full range of sexual attraction I experience, since it seems to address only my attraction to those within the gender binary and not my attraction to people who are genderqueer/androgynous/genderfluid/non binary. I also feel a bit like it implies that I experience the same kind of sexual attraction to all genders, which doesn’t really fit either. The term pansexual doesn’t seem to fit either because my sexual attraction isn’t gender blind, and is in fact very much dependant on gender identity.
I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job of explaining this, but honestly I’m doing my best.
For example I experience heterosexual attraction towards people who identify as male, ie. I can be immediately sexually attracted to them without the need to form any strong emotional connection with them beforehand.
However when it comes to those who identify as female, I don’t usually experience sexual attraction to them until I form a strong emotional connection with that person (so demisexual attraction). That does not mean I don’t find women I don’t know attractive, it just means I am not sexually attracted to women I don’t know (if that even makes sense? I feel like I’m babbling here.)
And for those who choose not to adhere to the gender binary, I lean more towards pansexuality, so gender and gender identity matters nought to me, but becomes more about the individual person and that dictates whether I initially experience a purely sexual attraction to them or whether I need to form a strong emotional bond before experiencing sexual attraction.
And I’m sure you can see now why I feel the terms bisexual, pansexual and demisexual as exclusive terms to describe my sexuality are inadequate. I feel much more comfortable now using the term queer because it allows for the variety of attraction I experience, and it allows for the fluidity of sexuality I experience.
So there you go. One very, long winded, babbling rant from me.
FYSE: The thing about labels is you define them, they don’t define you. A lot of people identify as queer because sexuality is complicated. Just a couple of things though: bisexual isn’t just attraction to the binary. It can be any two genders, attraction to the same gender and a different gender, or attraction to any gender. Pansexual also isn’t genderblindness (I personally hate any kind of “blindness” other than the actual medical condition. “colorblindness” about race and “genderblindness” about gender are two of the worst). Pansexuality to me is just being attracted to all genders.
