Disclaimer: I am not a professional! If you want to find a professional sex educator please look at my "Resources" page. If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: FYsexeducationquestions, though check out my FAQ first!
What is your opinion on friends with benefits? I am considering this with my exboyfriend who, yes I do still have feelings for, but it just would be so easy to slip back into at least a sexual relationship with him and at the moment I'm really having trouble seeing why not.I’m perfectly fine with friends with benefits or any other kind of casual sexual relationship. Just be sure that with starting something with an ex you be honest with yourself and him about your intentions and your feelings.
I really don't think it's quite so simple as "Hey you want to have sex? No string attached!"It is different for everyone. That line has helped me before so it CAN be that easy. Just honest conversation is always the best policy.
-FYSE
Any tips or recommendations (from readers, too) on initiating casual sex? It seems all the sex how-to's are about how to do this or that, but never cover how to get to a position where those things come into play.Just talk to them! Seriously, as simple as saying “Hey you want to have sex? No strings attached!” and then discuss what both of you like and what the boundaries are.
-FYSE
how do you initiate being fuck buddies with someone?Just talk to them! Tell them exactly what you want and see if they want that as well. Be honest and open.
-FYSE
what's your opinion on promiscuous mothers and the effect it could have on the child, especially if the child is a female. could you maybe attach some online articles on this subject? it would be greatly appreciated(TW: Child abuse/sexual abuse) I think, because of my personal experience with my parents and friends parents and family and such if you choose to have a child your child comes first. It’s fine to have sex and have lots of it if you’re a parent (not just mother) IF and only IF you don’t jeopardize your child. Don’t bring a whole bunch of people you don’t know around your child. The majority of the people I know who were sexually, verbally, physically abused as a child were abused by either a step parent or a short term partner of a parent. Don’t bring people around your child if you don’t know for SURE they are trustworthy. TALK TO YOUR CHILD. If they say they don’t like that person, take a break. Yeah it might just be your child wanting you to themselves (which by the way is not a bad thing) but it might be that they can see something you can’t. Make sure you always keep the line of communication open and as soon as there is a hint of abuse get your child out of that situation. If you have someone who can help take care of your child for you and will help support you you can go off and do whatever as long as you are there for them when they’re awake. Be sure that in the balance of child, career and sexuality your child is your top priority. That doesn’t mean you have to give up your career or sexuality for a child, that just means you have to make sure someone you trust fully and they trust fully is there to support them when you aren’t there. That could be a family member or a friend or anyone you’ve known for a long time. Also, don’t let family ties cloud your judgement. If you know a family member is a bad influence or is someone you wouldn’t trust normally don’t leave your child with them. My mom says that the best decision she made was to never leave me with her parents because they weren’t the kind of people she could trust while she allowed my dad’s parents to help raise me because they were the kind of people she could trust.
I tried to find articles on the subject, but most really focused on dating. I did find this article written by a single mother.
I'm an 18 yr old girl. I've had sex with 10 people within the past 2 years. My therapist says that this means that I have low self esteem and should stop having sex with people who I'm not dating. I love myself. I love sex and all the guys I've done it with were friends. She also tells me that she's concerned that one of my sexual partners might hurt me one day. this is not a concern for me. but sometimes i question whether or not i am too "slutty"? how do i deal with this? am i wrong?Sounds like someone needs a new therapist! Seriously, having lots of sex doesn’t mean you have low self esteem. You don’t have to be dating someone to have sex. Also, everyone goes through the fear that one of their partners might hurt them. You’re just as likely to be hurt by a casual partner as a relationship. Of course I don’t know your psychological back ground and if sex has anything to do with why you’re in therapy but as someone with multiple psychological disorders who is in an open relationship I can say that my sexuality isn’t bad for my psychological state. You need a therapist who will not judge you like that, or you could just ask your therapist now to refrain from talking about sexual things that don’t directly correlate with whatever problem YOU want addressed. The therapist is there to help you, not make you feel bad.
-FYSE
I mostly liked your answer to the person's "casual sex" question, except for the part where you said you think it's more disrespectful to deny yourself the experience. Uh, no, it's not disrespectful to do WHATEVER you believe in with sex, no matter what that may be, as long as it does not harm yourself or others. That simple.I didn’t mean disrespectful to deny yourself sex, I meant disrespectful to deny yourself whatever makes you happy. Of course if people don’t want sex that’s more than fine, but if you feel pressured by society or whatnot into not having sex I think that’s more disrespectful than not having sex because you want to abide by societal laws.
-FYSE
Is it relatively normal to feel guilty after a hook up with someone you didn't really care about? Guilty to the point where you're disgusted with yourself?A lot of people feel guilty after casual sex, mostly because of the way we were raised in a kind of sex negative environment. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, and if you want it feel free!
-FYSE
I am an 18 year old girl who has safe sex with multiple partners. I'm happy with this for the most part and always use protection, yet I still can't get out of my head sometimes that what I am doing is wrong since it's casual sex and I am not in love. My parents raised me to believe that it's abnormal for girls to have sex with out feelings, especially when they're young. Am I wrong for feeling this way or am I overthinking?It’s very normal to have casual sex without being in love. A lot of people have guilt about it because of the way they were raised, but I promise that you’re not doing anything wrong.
-FYSE
ohkay, so the past weekend me and my guy friend hooked up randomly. we are obviously attracted to each other and he established that he doesnt want a commitment. i don't do well with boyfriends and get bored easily so i was thinking maybe i should be friends with benefits with him? i'm not exactly sure how it works though, i feel comfortable with him and like him a little. do you think i should go for it? how would i go about bringing it up?just talk to him about it! Say “Hey you want to have sex again like on a regular basis with no strings attached?” Just be sure to always use protection and you’ll be fine!
