Disclaimer: I am not a professional! If you want to find a professional sex educator please look at my "Resources" page. If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: FYsexeducationquestions, though check out my FAQ first!
“How can I reach orgasm during vaginal sex? (female asking)”
This is a really common question, & a lot of people worry about their inability to cum from vaginal sex, mainly due to the fact that porn always makes it look so easy.
The thing is, we can’t give you a guaranteed method for cumming during penetration, because everybody’s body is different, & the best way to figure out what works for you & your partner is just to experiment.
However, we can suggest a couple of techniques which might help you reach an orgasm during vaginal sex:
- Get to know your body: Educating someone else on how to make you orgasm is going to be pretty much impossible if you can’t do it yourself. Explore your body & get to know what feels good for you. Don’t worry too much about what’s normal, just have fun, take your time, & don’t pressure yourself - if what you’re doing feels great then why does it matter that you haven’t cum?
- Take your time: If you’ve had trouble orgasming from penetrative sex in the past you can kind of get into a rut about it, making it even harder to cum. Next time you have sex, just take it slow - kiss, make out, stroke & tease, & give manual & oral stimulation a go until you’re begging for penetration. Our ability to orgasm is really connected to how mentally aroused we are, so taking the extra 20 minutes just to enjoy your partner’s company before you get into penetrative sex can make all the difference.
- Try adding in clitoral stimulation: Some people just can’t get off on penetration alone, & that’s totally fine. Adding some clitoral stimulation into the mix can make it much easy to orgasm, so try positions which leave your hands free, like being on top or doggy style. You could also try introducing a sex toy like a small vibrator, or a vibrating cock ring, but try & be tactful: the sudden appearance of a sex toy in the bedroom can feel like a bit of an insult to some people, so have a talk with your partner & explain that they do satisfy you, but you’re looking to mix things up a bit. Some sex positions can also provide clitoral stimulation without you having to use your hands, for example the Coital Alignment Technique we talked about here.
- Try positions which are designed to stimulate your g-spot: There are a couple of sex positions which increase the stimulation to your g-spot & increase your chances of having an orgasm from penetration alone. What you’re looking for is any position where your partner’s penis or strap-on is rubbing against the front wall of your vagina (that’s the side where your stomach is, rather than your back) as this is where your g-spot is located. We’d recommend doggy style or riding with a grinding motion, rather than straight up & down, but it’s best if you just experiment with what feels right for you. If you’re not used to having your g-spot stimulated, it can be a bit of a shock the first time (the sensation of having to pee is pretty common) so we’d suggest you try stimulating it through masturbation (either with your fingers or a sex toy ) first, giving you time to get used to it & ensuring you know exactly what you’re aiming for when you have sex.
Orgasm isn’t the be all & end all of sex, & treating it as such is likely only to decrease your ability to cum. Relax, take pleasure in your partner’s company, communicate & you’re pretty much guaranteed a good time, even if you don’t cum.
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