So you want to become sexually active

You have made the decision you want to start having sex! You may have a few insecurities that are keeping you from finding a partner. The main thing is to realize you deserve a partner and if they’re the right person they’ll want you no matter what, so get out there and find someone!

You need to figure out what exactly do you want. Do you want a relationship? An open relationship? monogamy? Sex with a friend? Random sex? Figure out what you want and be completely honest about it when you are talking to someone about possibly having sex with them.

Once you’ve found someone, both of you should go get tested. I don’t care if you’ve both never had sex, go do it. Some STDs/STIs don’t show symptoms and aren’t passed through sexual means. Next thing you want to do is learn about safe sex and birth control. Decide what methods you want to use. Next thing is to discuss boundaries, consent and what you both find arousing and sexy. A great resource is Scarleteen’s sexual inventory checklist. You can both fill it out and that will give you a great starting place. 

By this time you should both know what the other wants, what is okay and what isn’t, and some turn-ons to try out. From here there are many different kinds of sexual activity you may want to try. The biggest thing is foreplay. This is because most pain during any type of penetration is caused by not enough foreplay and preparation. Enough foreplay should loosen and lengthen the vagina as well as make it produce vaginal lubrication. Some people don’t make enough vaginal lubrication, at which lube should be used. Water based is the most like your natural vaginal lubrication, though silicone based lasts longer. DON’T use silicone based lube with a silicone toy. Never use oil based near a vagina or with a latex condom. When used with anal penetration, foreplay can relax the person and preparation can stretch the anus. Again, lube is very important. Oil based can be used anally but not with condoms, silicone can be used anally but not with silicone toys. Water based may need to be reapplied.  Be sure to be in a really sensual environment, some place where you aren’t rushed and some place you’re comfortable. You can start with giving each other full body massage, being sure to touch erogenous zones. kiss each other all over. Then you need to prepare the orifice. You can do this either with oral sex or with fingers. Be sure to stimulate the clitoris if once is involved, as well as penetrating. Once you feel ready, and use lube if needed, you can have intercourse. There are disorders that can make vaginal sex really painful, so if theres trouble see a gynecologist! You need to start of really slow. You may need to take breaks to let the orfice get accustomed to penetration. Remember, when dealing with vaginas not all of them are the same size and some are smaller than others. They can stretch quite a bit, but you may need to do this a bit every day. You may need to use toys or dilators to work your way up. You can also do this is you have a problem with anal.

Although, sex isn’t just about intercourse. There’s also using your hands to please your partner, frottage/outersex, oral sex (fellatio and cunnilingus), anal play, and using sex toys. As things progress be sure to be honest about what you want. Talk about your fantasies and kinks. If you’re into BDSM/S&M tell them! Try new things. Try different positions, roleplaying, just experiment and have fun!