If you have any questions, feel free to ask on my ask site: http://fyseq.tumblr.com/ask, though check out http://fuckyeahsexeducation.tumblr.com/FAQ!
snoozingdragon replied to your post “For everyone who know wants to check out my youtube”
I like that the penis one is fine but the vulva was flagged for inappropriate content and thus I have to log in to view…
Yup, that’s good ol’ Youtube for you. It pissed me off when I first got the alert telling me it had been flagged.
If all goes as planned I will be filming my video on virginity and sex myths tonight. Here’s my basic outline:
MTV’s “Faking It” Is Pretty Good, For Real | Autostraddle
MTV’s “Faking It,” about two high school girls pretending to be in a lesbian relationship to gain popularity, premieres tonight at 10:30 Eastern on MTV. Autostraddle’s Riese Bernard actually really liked it. Let’s see what everyone else thinks tonight!
Okay so as a queer person who found out they were queer by falling in love with their best friend in a very painful and dramatic journey of unrequited love and multiple love triangles (that also made them realize they were polyamorous) I totally identify with the falling in love with the best friend thing which is cool but this is a hella problematic way to go about doing that considering the hell that being both in and out of the closet during school put my friends and I in and the amount of times I and other queer friends were told we were “just faking it”
#DecolonizeSAAM Week 3: The Non-Profit Industrial Complex
Decolonizing the Anti-Violence Movement & Sexual Assault Awareness Month Reading List.
Week 3: The NPIC
1. History of Rape Crisis Movement http://www.sfwar.org/pdf/History/HIST_CALCASA_11_09.pdf
2. Up Against A Wall: Rape Reform And The Failure of Success http://clcjbooks.rutgers.edu/books/up-against-a-wall.html
3. Rape Relief Seattle (one of the nation’s first rape crisis centers) http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19990707&slug=2970351
4. The Anti-Violence and the Non-Profit Industrial Complex https://archive.org/details/AndreaSmithTheAntiviolenceMovementAndTheNon-profitIndustrialComplex
5. The History of Sexual Assault Medical Forensic Exams (“rape kits”) http://citation.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/5/1/8/0/9/p518092_index.html
6. History of Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANEs) http://www.theforensicnurse.com/history.cfm
7. The SANE, The SART, and The Advocate http://www.iowahimss.org/presentations/Tami-Williams.pdf
8. Police often abandon rape-kits http://www.cleveland.com/rape-kits/index.ssf/2013/08/guest_blog_sarah_tofte.html
9. What happens in times of economic despair: Government Shutdown Poses Risk of Service Cuts For Victims of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault file:///C:/Users/Lauren/Downloads/Govt%20Shutdown%20Press%20Statement.pdf
10. Without Bureaucracy, Beyond Inclusion: Re-Centering Feminism http://postcapitalistproject.org/node/55
11. “Losing the Movement”: Black Women, Violence, and Prison Nation http://www.usprisonculture.com/blog/2012/06/25/losing-the-movement-black-women-violence-prison-nation/
12. Disrupting the Relationship Between the Anti-Violence Movement and the PIC http://www.usprisonculture.com/blog/2012/09/06/guest-post-disrupting-the-relationship-between-the-anti-violence-movement-and-the-pic-by-chez-rump/
13. Beyond the Non-Profit Industrial Complex http://www.incite-national.org/page/beyond-non-profit-industrial-complex
14. Making Restorative/Transformative Justice Real: A Rape Survivor Leads The Way http://www.usprisonculture.com/blog/2010/11/29/making-restorativetransformative-justice-real-a-rape-survivor-leads-the-way/
15. Documents on Transformative Justice http://www.academia.edu/Documents/in/Transformative_Justice
16. Transformative Justice Strategies for Addressing Police/Vigilante/Hate/White Supremacist Violence http://andrea366.wordpress.com/2014/02/08/transformative-justice-strategies-for-addressing-policevigilantehatewhite-supremacist-violence/
The Revolution Will Not Be Funded: Beyond the Non-Profit Industrial Complex – INCITE! http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Revolution_Will_Not_be_Funded.html?id=u7faAAAAMAAJ
You Can Heal From Rape – Sarah Jarvis (set laws standards for rape crisis centers across the country that ensured victims have a counselor available during medical and legal procedures, not be forced to testify, and be treated with dignity).
Children’s books on Child Sexual Abuse
There are a lot of children’s books on child sexual abuse that can be found in bookstores, online, and in libraries and are used by parents, teachers, and therapists. It can be difficult to tell where to start. Unfortunately there is no cut and dry answer. Every child is different and every adult is different. What may work well for one person may not work well for another. Here are some tips:
Find something recommended for the child’s age group. A lot of books will include somewhere (either in the book or online information) what age group it is recommended to read it. For example, “Some Parts are Not for Sharing” by Julie Federico is good for as young as 6 months while I Can Play it Safe by Allison Feigh is recommended for ages 4-8. Also keep in mind that you know your child best. Your child may only have an attention span for short books, or your child may get really board with shorter and more simple books. A lot of older books like “My Body is Private” by Linda Girard aren’t very colorful which can be a turn off for a lot of young children. Vibrant and fun illustrations are a must for many children.
Which leads me to my second point, never read a book to a child before reading it yourself. I learned this the hard way by reading a horrible book on potty training to my little brother that talked about a potty fairy who gives treats to children who stay in bed all night. Needless to say, my little brother was expecting a treat in the morning. What this also helps you do is to tailor the reading experience to your child. Book too long and detailed to read in one go, like “I Said No” by Kimberly and Zach King, divide it up into different lessons for the child. Do you see something that will need more explanation to your child? Plan to talk to your child about it beforehand. Many books have a parent’s guide or Teaching Moments like “U Touch I Tell” by Chi Hasseinion. Go through them for more resources and information that can be helpful. Just do more research, as some information can be outdated or inaccurate.
Finding a book to read is just one step. You can’t just read one book (or even several books) one time to your child or hand it to them and let them read it and expect them to be prepared. You need to talk about this subject many times both in the context of books and outside of the context of books. Talk more deeply about the parts of the book you resonate with most, talk about things left out of the books you read, ask your child if they have any questions. Always connect with the child after reading them a new book to see how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking. Basically, let this book be a way to start a conversation, not be the only conversation you have with your child about abuse.
Diversity is super important with children’s books in general, and books on this subject are no exception. Many books these days do pretty well on racial diversity, but other types of diversity are difficult to find. Many books on this subject, like “Amazing You” by Gail Saltz include gendering language and aren’t transgender friendly. I’ve yet to find good books on Child Sexual Abuse that aren’t gendering, except “Some Parts Are Not For Sharing” by Julie Federico which have fish for main characters. Family Diversity is another important thing. If a book tells you to “go tell your mom or dad” and they’re not raised by a mom or dad, what should they do? “I Can Play it Safe” by Allison Feigh uses the phrase “Adult that takes care of you” instead of parents. For books that don’t have enough language diversity, you can use your own words, just let your child know you’re replacing words when they’re learning to read as that can confuse them.
You may not know what content to look for in a book. Like I said before, doing research can help with that. Here’s my opinion on things that should be addressed. The first is that any place on the body can be a place that abusers touch. Many books, like “I Said No” emphasize that the bathing suit area or underwear area are your private parts, while others like “Your Body Belongs to You” by Cornelia Spelman emphasize that any part of your body may be touched in a way that is abusive. If the book you choose leaves this out, talk to your children about it. Also, many books like “Good Touch/ Bad Touch” by Robert Kahn say that bad touches feel bad, while that’s not always true. Some abusive touches don’t feel bad, and may even feel good, especially if a lot of grooming or manipulation are used. On a similar note, not all touches that a child doesn’t like may be abusive. In “My Body is Private” it is emphasized that it’s okay to say no at any touch, even harmless touches. Another important fact is that anyone can be an abuser, and a lot of the time it is someone you know or like. “I Said No” is a real situation that happened to a child by one of his best friends. I would go even further honestly, because it talks about Doctors giving exams, the emphasize that doctors can be abusers too. It’s important that the book talk about different kinds of touch and different kinds of instances where one can be abused. Another great point is to emphasize that secrets aren’t really good, and that there’s a difference between secrets and surprises. Many books address this, including “Do You Have a Secret” by Jennifer Moore. It’s also important, especially if you’re a teacher and don’t know the family situation, to emphasize that you keep telling people if you’re being abused until you find one that listens to you. Unfortunately not all people are going to believe a child. “I Said No” addresses this.
Another important thing to think about is price of the books. You can find many of these books in libraries, usually in parenting sections. Even if your library doesn’t have it it may be able to order it for you. Ask a librarian for help. If you want to own the book buy used either at a book store or on Amazon. Amazon has some great deals, especially for older books. You may also be able to use therapists or school libraries as a resource. Some readings and copies of the books can be found on youtube.
Am I Overexercising?
The Obligatory Exercise Questionnaire
Reverse the scores for #8 and #10.
(Ex: 1=4, 2=3)
Count up your total.
- I engage in exercise on a regular basis.
- I engage in one/more of the following forms of exercise: walking, jogging/running, or weight lifting.
- I exercise more than 3 days per week.
- When I don’t exercise I feel guilty.
- I sometimes feel like I don’t want to exercise, but I go ahead and push myself anyway.
- My best friend likes to exercise.
- When I miss an exercise session, I feel concerned about my body possibly getting out of shape.
- If I have planned to exercise at a particular time and something unexpected comes up (like an old friend coming to visit or some work that needs immediate attention) I will usually skip my exercise for that day.
- If I miss a planned workout, I attempt to make up for it the next day.
- I may miss a day of exercise for no good reason.
- Sometimes, I feel a need to exercise twice in one day, even though I may feel a little tired.
- If I feel I have overeaten, I will try to make up for it by increasing the amount I exercise.
- When I miss a scheduled workout session I may feel tense, irritable, or depressed.
- Sometimes, I find that my mind wanders to thoughts about exercising.
- I have had daydreams about exercising.
- I keep a record of my exercise performance, such as how long I work out or or how far/fast I run.
- I have experienced a feeling of euphoria or a “high” during or after an exercise session.
- I frequently “push myself to the limits”.
- I have exercised when advised against such activity (by a doctor, friend, ect.).
- I will engage in other forms of exercise if I am unable to engage in my usual form of exercise.
30 or less, your exercise is probably not obligatory (note: this does NOT mean you don’t still have some form of exercise addiction or abuse).
30-40, there is reason for mild concern.
40-50, may suggest you have moderate problems with obligatory exercise.
Above 50, you should consider finding ways to moderate your exercise.
(Source: The Exercise Balance)